Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
