I think I died a long time ago.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize