Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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