the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
