Cold hands, warm shart.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
