My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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