My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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