If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
