I'm going to jail i love you
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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