Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
