She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
