one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
