By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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