Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
