i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I intend to get homeless drunk
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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