Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
