you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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