I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
