Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
