She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
