I seem to have left my pride at pride
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
pray to the hookup gods
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
