Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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