I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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