I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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