Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
