My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
