Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
