I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
