Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
