didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize