five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
