Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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