his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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