she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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