Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
