can we get nightvision for the apartment?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
