I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
