Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
