I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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