i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
