There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
