and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
