I could make wine with my vomit
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
