I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Life is so much better after having sex.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
