Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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