evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize