i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I FOUND THE LEGS
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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