well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
