btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
