Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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