My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
