My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
