Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
