Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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