Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
