I'm really into asian looking animals
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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