Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
