You're my little dorito
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize