and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
