is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize