We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
