i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
