i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
