I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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