Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
