Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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