my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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