can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
