I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize