Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
