just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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