After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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