Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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