Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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