drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
