I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
