I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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