I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
