Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
