life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
