Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
