I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
