just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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