hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
