Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
