Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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