I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
sex in a hospital.. check
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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