My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
