just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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