i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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