I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hippo gnu deer
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
