dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
